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Repaying Gratitude

One can never pay in gratitude;
one can only pay "in kind" somewhere else in life.”
~ Anne Morrow ~

Shortly after reading this quote it was made clearer in my life by two separate incidents, and two different friends.

I needed some assistance in solving an important problem. I had run out of ideas, and it was more than I could handle by myself. I asked several people for assistance, with different replies and reasons why they could not help. At the 11th hour, I was blessed when someone I least expected stepped out of her own comfort zone to help me. It wasn’t a simple solution either. We met several obstacles, and she never gave up. She was committed to help until the problem was solved. I am deeply grateful to my friend for making my day end better than it started and I consciously look for ways I can repay this kindness to her. However, because I was feeling so much Gratitude for her kindness and friendship, a situation a few days later allowed me to pay it forward.

One morning after my meditation, another friend popped into my mind. We had recently emailed each other a few times about getting together soon and catching up. The urge to contact her immediately was very strong, so instead of emailing her, I called. She answered the phone with, “I sure needed to hear your voice right now.” Her car had broken down the day before at a location almost 100 miles away from home. She had spent the entire morning making efforts to find a way to get her car towed to its mechanic. The possibilities she could come up with, were costly, so she was concerned about how she would pay for getting her car moved on top of the mechanics charges to fix the car. She had even placed a call to her ex-husband, who took the opportunity to criticize her, which only added to her feelings of helplessness and frustration. She had just finished crying when her phone rang and my name appeared on the caller ID. She told me her dilemma, and my first response was to offer her the use of my Auto Club Card. As I had extended the mile towing service included on my membership, her car could be towed for free. All she had to do was call my Auto Club Card and set up the appointment to meet them at her car and have it towed to her mechanic. When we met for lunch so I could give her my Auto Club Card, I told her about what happened the day before, and I thanked her for the opportunity to pay it forward.

Sometimes we find ourselves in need of assistance and at other times in the place where we can give it. Sometimes paying it forward can be done anonymously.

Think about a time in your life when you needed assistance or support through a difficult time or event.

Take a few minutes to write a list of a few of those.

Then look at each one again, and see if you can find the connections where you were given the opportunity to pay it forward.

And then write how it made you feel, both receiving and giving.

Excerpt from The "G: Spot, the ecstasy of Gratitude
ISBN #978-0981523859
All rights reserved, Self Investment Publishing

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Gratitude for Mother, even when...

Today Mother’s Day is celebrated in many parts of the world. For many this is a day of family, joy, togetherness and memories of Mothers who have passed.

For many, however, in the public focus on love and celebration, it is a day of pain, sadness and reminders of their experiences with their Mother. For some it was a Mother who “wasn’t what I wanted her to be”. Other Mothers were unquestionably abusive; and some did abandon their children and deprive them of nurturing and love.

Unfortunately, Mothers get a bad rap in therapy and they are blamed for too many things. Some may deserve the anger because of their chosen behaviors towards their children. Most Mothers, however, like everyone else, have done the best they could do, at the time, with what they knew, and what they had to work with. This doesn’t condone the abusive or other intentional hurtful behaviors. Simply an opportunity to consider a different perspective. A perspective not for your Mother, but for yourself.

For those that didn’t have the loving and supportive Mother we all deserve by right of birth (see my post on worthiness), you found ways to fill that void and be “mothered”; either by finding other mother figures, such as teachers, ministers and friends; and by mothering and loving yourself. Sadly, it’s the painful and disappointing memories that are harbored and given fuel with anger and hatred - over and again; and any goodness or light is lost in the darkness.

For those who find it difficult today to celebrate their Mother today, I would like to make a suggestion.This is not about forgiveness. This is finding your strength, and your lovingness, in Gratitude. Usually, even with the most hateful and unloving person, we can find one thing (sometimes minuscule) about them that we like. For one person it was her Mother’s reaction to certain Holidays. She always decorated the house. For another person it was the memory of her Mother being nice to her when she was ill. Another person shared a memory of when her mother taught her to sew, which assists her in her business today. You only need one good memory or thought to give yourself a good day.

We are so conditioned by society that we must have more; that more is better. We get caught up in the need to write lists of good things in order to be grateful. Today I suggest you need only ONE. Find one personality characteristic, one event, or one memory that makes you feel good. Forget the dark and bad stuff for today. This is about what one feeling can do for you. It has nothing to do with what has happened in the past or will or won’t happen in the future. Choose one – and really take all the time to feel all of the joy and passion that is connected to and within it. Stay with that one gratitude item all day. Think about it, feel it, understand your reasons for being grateful for it.

Just like a good vitamin - one gratitude a day - can make the difference - for you to celebrate any day.

Living your life through Gratitude

In many parts of the world, they believe that the streets of the United States are lined with gold.

While that is only a perception, it is true that a person here can become just about anything that that they can dream of.

However, no matter where you live, if you are reading these words, you have a lot you can achieve in life, and much that you could be grateful for than you may initially think.

It's not about comparing what you have that is better than someone else; or being grateful that you aren't in a situation, or have a problem that someone appears to have. A study conducted at UC Davis concluded that those who expressed gratitude without comparing themselves as "better than", were significantly happier than those making comparisons between themselves and others.

"Living your life through Gratitude, is not one of comparing how you are better than someone else; or Gratitude only for what you own or obtain or achieve. Living your life through Gratitude, is standing still in the moment and seeing that the world would be missing something very valuable if you were not in it."
~ Original quote, from book: the "G" Spot, The ecstasy of life through Gratitude, by Sumner M. Davenport, plus co-contributors ~

Recently, I was having a conversation about being grateful; and in the conversation the topic of problems came up...

Abuse, poverty, extreme weather, earthquakes, tsunamis, unemployment, racism, discrimination, hatred, addictions, jealousy and more. All these problems, both inside and outside of us blind us to the things that are good in our lives.

The terms "good," "great," "fun," "exciting" are all subjective, meaning that the things that give me the most pleasure and enjoyment may bore you to tears.

Fishing may be great fun for one person - take it away from him and he could be very sad, even depressed. Another person may see fishing as worse than torture - just sitting there for hours with literally nothing to do. The fishing itself could be depressing.

Everyone experiences difficulties, challenges and loss in their life. Many people use them as excuses for failure and giving up on their dreams and for stopping dreaming at all.

Regardless of what you might have "going against you", if you look, you will find that you have a lot you can be thankful for.

"Two men look out from the same prison window;
one sees the bars, and the other sees the stars."
~ Frederick Langbridge

It's important that you uncover the blessings in your life and revisit, emotionally, everything that is good in your life on a daily basis. If you don't, you will take it for granted. You won't appreciate it. The things we don't appreciate in our lives, we don't take care of.

"You can tell a person, not by what they say they are grateful for,
but how they respect what they claim to be grateful for."

~ Donna Priscott

What we don't appreciate - deprecates.

If you don't care care of your home, soon it's value will depreciate. If you fail to service your car, it's ability to take you places will depreciate. If you ignore your health, soon you will be fighting for your life.

“The enlightened give thanks for what most people take for granted. As you begin to be grateful for what most people take for granted, that vibration of gratitude makes you more receptive to good in your life.”
~ Rev. Michael Beckwith

Think about all the things, big and little, that would be missed if they weren't in your life...People, things, events, experiences, feelings, abilities.....

"Of the blessings you discover in your life, none are any greater than the other.
Each has equal value in and of itself to be appreciated for what it is.”
~ Sumner M. Davenport

1. Write them down.

2. Add to this list every time you think of something new.

3. Look at this list often.

So today, before you jump into your car and cuss at traffic... read your list.

Do this every day and you will see the things you appreciate, will appreciate (increase) in your life.

"Your life is a occasion - rise to it"

Mr. Edward Magorium, Avid Shoe-Wearer (Dustin Hoffman)
Movie: Mr. Magorium Magic Emporium

* * * * * *

The "G" Spot, the ecstasy of life through Gratitude.
Not your typical book about gratitude.
This book is for the cynic, the hopeless, the happy and the already grateful

The message in this book invites you on a self discovery journey sometimes through other perspectives and opinions. It some areas it pushes the envelope. Isn't that how we learn? When we venture outside our comfort zone we learn the most about ourselves and our lives.

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Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift.

Written by an 83-year-old woman to her friend:

I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden.

I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time working. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.

I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom. I wear my good blazer to the market.

My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank.

"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now.

I'm not sure what others would've done had they known that they wouldn't be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think they would have called family members and a few close friends. They might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think they would have gone out for a Chinese dinner, or for whatever their favorite food was. I'm guessing; I'll never know.

It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and parents often enough how much I truly love them. I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives.

And every morning when I open my eyes, tell myself that it is special.

Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift.