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Repaying Gratitude

One can never pay in gratitude;
one can only pay "in kind" somewhere else in life.”
~ Anne Morrow ~

Shortly after reading this quote it was made clearer in my life by two separate incidents, and two different friends.

I needed some assistance in solving an important problem. I had run out of ideas, and it was more than I could handle by myself. I asked several people for assistance, with different replies and reasons why they could not help. At the 11th hour, I was blessed when someone I least expected stepped out of her own comfort zone to help me. It wasn’t a simple solution either. We met several obstacles, and she never gave up. She was committed to help until the problem was solved. I am deeply grateful to my friend for making my day end better than it started and I consciously look for ways I can repay this kindness to her. However, because I was feeling so much Gratitude for her kindness and friendship, a situation a few days later allowed me to pay it forward.

One morning after my meditation, another friend popped into my mind. We had recently emailed each other a few times about getting together soon and catching up. The urge to contact her immediately was very strong, so instead of emailing her, I called. She answered the phone with, “I sure needed to hear your voice right now.” Her car had broken down the day before at a location almost 100 miles away from home. She had spent the entire morning making efforts to find a way to get her car towed to its mechanic. The possibilities she could come up with, were costly, so she was concerned about how she would pay for getting her car moved on top of the mechanics charges to fix the car. She had even placed a call to her ex-husband, who took the opportunity to criticize her, which only added to her feelings of helplessness and frustration. She had just finished crying when her phone rang and my name appeared on the caller ID. She told me her dilemma, and my first response was to offer her the use of my Auto Club Card. As I had extended the mile towing service included on my membership, her car could be towed for free. All she had to do was call my Auto Club Card and set up the appointment to meet them at her car and have it towed to her mechanic. When we met for lunch so I could give her my Auto Club Card, I told her about what happened the day before, and I thanked her for the opportunity to pay it forward.

Sometimes we find ourselves in need of assistance and at other times in the place where we can give it. Sometimes paying it forward can be done anonymously.

Think about a time in your life when you needed assistance or support through a difficult time or event.

Take a few minutes to write a list of a few of those.

Then look at each one again, and see if you can find the connections where you were given the opportunity to pay it forward.

And then write how it made you feel, both receiving and giving.

Excerpt from The "G: Spot, the ecstasy of Gratitude
ISBN #978-0981523859
All rights reserved, Self Investment Publishing

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Gratitude for Mother, even when...

Today Mother’s Day is celebrated in many parts of the world. For many this is a day of family, joy, togetherness and memories of Mothers who have passed.

For many, however, in the public focus on love and celebration, it is a day of pain, sadness and reminders of their experiences with their Mother. For some it was a Mother who “wasn’t what I wanted her to be”. Other Mothers were unquestionably abusive; and some did abandon their children and deprive them of nurturing and love.

Unfortunately, Mothers get a bad rap in therapy and they are blamed for too many things. Some may deserve the anger because of their chosen behaviors towards their children. Most Mothers, however, like everyone else, have done the best they could do, at the time, with what they knew, and what they had to work with. This doesn’t condone the abusive or other intentional hurtful behaviors. Simply an opportunity to consider a different perspective. A perspective not for your Mother, but for yourself.

For those that didn’t have the loving and supportive Mother we all deserve by right of birth (see my post on worthiness), you found ways to fill that void and be “mothered”; either by finding other mother figures, such as teachers, ministers and friends; and by mothering and loving yourself. Sadly, it’s the painful and disappointing memories that are harbored and given fuel with anger and hatred - over and again; and any goodness or light is lost in the darkness.

For those who find it difficult today to celebrate their Mother today, I would like to make a suggestion.This is not about forgiveness. This is finding your strength, and your lovingness, in Gratitude. Usually, even with the most hateful and unloving person, we can find one thing (sometimes minuscule) about them that we like. For one person it was her Mother’s reaction to certain Holidays. She always decorated the house. For another person it was the memory of her Mother being nice to her when she was ill. Another person shared a memory of when her mother taught her to sew, which assists her in her business today. You only need one good memory or thought to give yourself a good day.

We are so conditioned by society that we must have more; that more is better. We get caught up in the need to write lists of good things in order to be grateful. Today I suggest you need only ONE. Find one personality characteristic, one event, or one memory that makes you feel good. Forget the dark and bad stuff for today. This is about what one feeling can do for you. It has nothing to do with what has happened in the past or will or won’t happen in the future. Choose one – and really take all the time to feel all of the joy and passion that is connected to and within it. Stay with that one gratitude item all day. Think about it, feel it, understand your reasons for being grateful for it.

Just like a good vitamin - one gratitude a day - can make the difference - for you to celebrate any day.

Living your life through Gratitude

In many parts of the world, they believe that the streets of the United States are lined with gold.

While that is only a perception, it is true that a person here can become just about anything that that they can dream of.

However, no matter where you live, if you are reading these words, you have a lot you can achieve in life, and much that you could be grateful for than you may initially think.

It's not about comparing what you have that is better than someone else; or being grateful that you aren't in a situation, or have a problem that someone appears to have. A study conducted at UC Davis concluded that those who expressed gratitude without comparing themselves as "better than", were significantly happier than those making comparisons between themselves and others.

"Living your life through Gratitude, is not one of comparing how you are better than someone else; or Gratitude only for what you own or obtain or achieve. Living your life through Gratitude, is standing still in the moment and seeing that the world would be missing something very valuable if you were not in it."
~ Original quote, from book: the "G" Spot, The ecstasy of life through Gratitude, by Sumner M. Davenport, plus co-contributors ~

Recently, I was having a conversation about being grateful; and in the conversation the topic of problems came up...

Abuse, poverty, extreme weather, earthquakes, tsunamis, unemployment, racism, discrimination, hatred, addictions, jealousy and more. All these problems, both inside and outside of us blind us to the things that are good in our lives.

The terms "good," "great," "fun," "exciting" are all subjective, meaning that the things that give me the most pleasure and enjoyment may bore you to tears.

Fishing may be great fun for one person - take it away from him and he could be very sad, even depressed. Another person may see fishing as worse than torture - just sitting there for hours with literally nothing to do. The fishing itself could be depressing.

Everyone experiences difficulties, challenges and loss in their life. Many people use them as excuses for failure and giving up on their dreams and for stopping dreaming at all.

Regardless of what you might have "going against you", if you look, you will find that you have a lot you can be thankful for.

"Two men look out from the same prison window;
one sees the bars, and the other sees the stars."
~ Frederick Langbridge

It's important that you uncover the blessings in your life and revisit, emotionally, everything that is good in your life on a daily basis. If you don't, you will take it for granted. You won't appreciate it. The things we don't appreciate in our lives, we don't take care of.

"You can tell a person, not by what they say they are grateful for,
but how they respect what they claim to be grateful for."

~ Donna Priscott

What we don't appreciate - deprecates.

If you don't care care of your home, soon it's value will depreciate. If you fail to service your car, it's ability to take you places will depreciate. If you ignore your health, soon you will be fighting for your life.

“The enlightened give thanks for what most people take for granted. As you begin to be grateful for what most people take for granted, that vibration of gratitude makes you more receptive to good in your life.”
~ Rev. Michael Beckwith

Think about all the things, big and little, that would be missed if they weren't in your life...People, things, events, experiences, feelings, abilities.....

"Of the blessings you discover in your life, none are any greater than the other.
Each has equal value in and of itself to be appreciated for what it is.”
~ Sumner M. Davenport

1. Write them down.

2. Add to this list every time you think of something new.

3. Look at this list often.

So today, before you jump into your car and cuss at traffic... read your list.

Do this every day and you will see the things you appreciate, will appreciate (increase) in your life.

"Your life is a occasion - rise to it"

Mr. Edward Magorium, Avid Shoe-Wearer (Dustin Hoffman)
Movie: Mr. Magorium Magic Emporium

* * * * * *

The "G" Spot, the ecstasy of life through Gratitude.
Not your typical book about gratitude.
This book is for the cynic, the hopeless, the happy and the already grateful

The message in this book invites you on a self discovery journey sometimes through other perspectives and opinions. It some areas it pushes the envelope. Isn't that how we learn? When we venture outside our comfort zone we learn the most about ourselves and our lives.

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Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift.

Written by an 83-year-old woman to her friend:

I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden.

I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time working. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.

I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom. I wear my good blazer to the market.

My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank.

"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now.

I'm not sure what others would've done had they known that they wouldn't be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think they would have called family members and a few close friends. They might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think they would have gone out for a Chinese dinner, or for whatever their favorite food was. I'm guessing; I'll never know.

It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and parents often enough how much I truly love them. I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives.

And every morning when I open my eyes, tell myself that it is special.

Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift.

Appreciation

 

 

 

   

Gratitude because.....

“We count our miseries carefully,
and accept our blessings without much thought."
~ Chinese Proverb

I have met countless people who can describe in detail why something is unpleasant for them, why something isn’t working or what is going wrong in their life, and yet their gratitude is only a single word or short phrase. Does being able to explain in detail the reason why you have gratitude for something make a difference in the energy behind it? I went on a quest for answers.

Some people I talked with had long laundry lists of gratitude,but they seemed to talk more about their problems and complaints. Others had shorter lists, and shared beautiful stories with me about each items on their list.

I met people who had similar items on their gratitude list and different responses to my question: “you are grateful for this because…..?”

One woman I met with had written “I am thankful for my health” on her gratitude list. When I asked her “You are grateful for your health because…..”, her answer was a sharp: “Well! Because I just am, and I am insulted to be asked why!.” It reminded me of when my parents would tell me do to something and when I asked why I heard: ” because I said so”. This answer didn’t help me to understand.

In contrast, I met with Nancy who also had written on her list “I am thankful for my health”. When I asked “she was grateful because….” what she told me was: “I am thankful I have my health, because that means I can take care of my kids. I brought these beautiful children in the world and they depend on me. When I have my health I can enjoy them and take care of them. And that make me feel such a deep feeling for love and life, that I call that a grateful feeling.” In order to feel the depth of her gratitude Nancy believes that she must be willing to know why she feels gratitude. Anything less, to her, is simply lip service.

I find that every time I do this exercise I find new feelings around each incident I list in Gratitude. Several other people shared with me how doing this exercise made a difference in their depth of understanding and increased their feelings of gratitude.

“He who knows others is learned;
He who knows himself is wise.”
~ Lao-tzu, Tao te Ching

For this Thanksgiving season, do this for yourself and see if there is any difference in the depth of your feelings of Gratitude.

Write down a few things on that you are Grateful for.
And then continue the sentence with: because…..|
See what you can discover with your because.

"The important thing is not to stop questioning our reasons
Never lose a holy curiosity.”
~ Albert Einstein

(c) 2009 excerpt from book: Stress Out, show stress who's the boss

Focus on the reasons to complain = stress

Focus on the reasons for gratitude = happy

More happy = less stress

www.StressOut-book.com

Stress is a constant in our lives - such a constant that we actually don’t realize we are under stress, we think it’s “just part of life.” Health surveys report that over 70% of people feel stress everyday. Some stress is helpful, but most stress is destructive; it can age you and it can kill you. In this special book Sumner M. Davenport brings together advice from experts in their fields; plus stories and testimonials from individuals interviewed during her extensive search for easy solutions that help to show stress who’s the boss.

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Congruence and Gratitude

“You can tell a person,
not by what they say they are gratitude for,
but how they respect
what they claim to be grateful for.”
~ Mrs. Donna Priscott~

My mother was of my greatest examples on how to live life with honesty and integrity. This quote was one of her favorite sayings. Long after her passing, I remember every time she said it to me. She wanted me to learn that people don’t just see what I say, they learn who I am by how my actions match my words.

If I expressed gratitude for something then I needed to show respect for it and protect it just as I would anything else that was important to me.

My parents were married for over 50 years. My Mom said a gratitude prayer every day for her marriage and relationship with my Dad. Every day she worked to make sure he knew how much she meant that. She never looked at another man and she always made sure our home was a happy place for Dad to come home to after a long day at work. She was grateful for her two kids, and she spent time teaching us how to be our best, learn our best and present our best.

When I gained over 60 pounds excess weight in college, and the doctors prescribed medicine for high blood pressure, she didn’t ask me why. She asked me if I was grateful for my healthy body and if I was then why was I carrying the extra weight that was having a negative effect on my health?
When my bother experimented with drugs in High School she asked him the same question.

She simply told us to make a choice and live by our words. My choice was to ether give up saying gratitude for a healthy body or give up the unnecessary weight. Her message was empowering and not judgmental, even though I knew she didn’t approve our behaviors. Mom taught me best by her example. I hope I can be as good a Mom as she was to me.

Are you congruent with your gratitude?

Are you showing respect to your gratitude by your actions?

If yes, what are you doing?

If no, what can you change?


***


Contributed by Veronica Davina, for inclusion in the book: The “G” Spot, the ecstasy of life through Gratitude, Author Sumner M. Davenport, Self Investment Publishing, #ISBN 9780981523859

National Friendship Day

Human beings are social creatures who respond to the love and affection of others. Genuine friendship has been valued as one of the most important things in life. To celebrate friendship and the blessings it brings us, it was deemed fit to have a day dedicated to friends and friendship and the first Sunday of August was declared as a holiday in US in honor of friends by a Proclamation made by US Congress in 1935.

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy;
they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."
~ Marcel Proust ~

I offer you this gentle reminder of friendship. Part of this has circulated the internet for years. Many of the quotes you may have already seen or heard. When I found it in my files this morning, it was the timely reminder on a perfect day.

"I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving
for my friends, the old and the new."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.

In 1st grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and who held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.

In 2nd grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.

In 3rd grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours.

In 4th grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in the gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck "do-si-do-ing " with Nasty Nick or Smelly Susan.

In 5th grade your idea of a good friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.

In 6th grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan (your new crush) and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn't be embarrassed.

In 7th grade your idea of a good friend was the person who let you copy the Social Studies homework from the night before that you did.

In 8th grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball but didn't laugh at you when you broke out into tears.

In 9th grade your idea of a good friend was the person who would go to a party thrown by a senior so you wouldn't wind up being the only freshman there.

In 10th grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with during lunch.

In 11th grade your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded and helped you find a date to the prom.

In 12th grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pick out a college or university and assured you that you would get into that college or university, or helped you deal with it when you didn't make it.

At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside but managed a big smile on the outside as they congratulated you.

The summer after graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you clean up the bottles from that party, helped you sneak out of the house when you couldn't deal with your parents, assured you that now that you and Nick (or you and Susan) were back together, you could make it through anything, helped you pack up for university and silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were leaving behind. And most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved.

"In prosperity, our friends know us;
in adversity, we know our friends"
~ John Churton Collins ~

Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, holds your hand when you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, makes time for you, overlooks your mistakes, helps you to deal with pressure from others, smiles for you even when they are sad, helps you understand how priceless you are, and most importantly loves you.

I am deeply grateful, today and everyday, for my genuine friends. With them I have discovered and enjoyed many of lifes blessings.

"A real friend is one who walks in
when the rest of the world walks out."
~Walter Winchell ~

No matter where we go or how our lives change, we never forget those who walked with us and supported us in getting there.

"Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me; I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend."
~ Albert Camus ~

There's never a wrong time to pick up a phone or send a message to show your friends you miss them or care about them.

"The most beautiful discovery true friends make
is that they can grow separately
without growing apart."
~ Elisabeth Foley~

May you be validated everyday

This video was created by an online friend of mine.

Be sure to visit her profile and see more of what she has to offer:
http://jasonsnetwork.com/Cherokee





The"G" Spot, the ecstasy of life through Gratitude

What is genuine gratitude?

Do you have an opinion, a belief in gratitude or a passionate knowing? Were you taught how to be grateful, or was it a lesson you learned through experience?

My research on the subject of gratitude took several years. I sought out selected people to share their favorite quote, or a unique one of their own. I asked for explanations and definitions of Gratitude. I asked: What is genuine Gratitude – really? Is it only for the events and people in your life that you define as “good”? What if your life feels like a struggle? Where does genuine gratitude fit then? What if someone told you that Gratitude is the way through anything in life, how do you find genuine gratitude? Can you really be grateful for world events, broken relationships, lost jobs, loved ones passing away, betrayals, health issues and other challenges in your life? Is there a difference between writing a laundry list of items and feeling the depth of passion of genuine gratitude? What if your gratitude is so automatic that the passion is missing, and your comments about gratitude have become empty words?

I was seeking the deepest understanding of genuine gratitude. I was seeking “how-to” tools that could be for any person at any stage of their understanding of the passion of genuine gratitude. I asked how they would inspire someone to feel gratitude whose spark had gone out, and especially how they inspired themselves. What was repeated throughout my research was that passionately genuine gratitude is only possible when you understand your own motivations and what is important to you. One woman I interviewed was surprised to hear her young daughter tell her that she was grateful for something only because she had been told she was supposed to be grateful for it. Having the choice on how to express your gratitude is powerful; the choice to make your own decisions on what and why you feel gratitude – or not.

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forge that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." ~ John F. Kennedy ~

How do you life your words of gratitude?

People fake many things in life and some even fake gratitude. Of the people I interviewed, many people could be grateful because of an event or a person, but few actually were living genuinely grateful lives, by their own definition. The research for this book indicated that non genuine gratitude can instill guilt and add to low self esteem.

One woman shared how important it is for your words of gratitude to be congruent with your actions towards whatever you are grateful for. I have shared this idea with numerous people I talk with and their reactions range from a somber pondering to being angry I mentioned it.

It turned out that it wasn’t easy for people to describe the passion of genuine gratitude. With all the books and teachings on gratitude from every religious, spiritual and motivational angle, I was surprised to find that when it came to explaining genuine gratitude, it seemed to be a difficult task for many people. So many people I spoke with were afraid to question gratitude. I heard people motivated to gratitude by fear and guilt. People fake many things in life and I found that some even fake gratitude. And if we fake gratitude, are we able to feel the passion?

A few people rose to the occasion and the opportunity to help another person with their experience; others were suspicious and some were insulting. Others gave me their gratitude list of what they were grateful for, but couldn’t explain the passion. Some people simply sent me a list of quotes they found on the internet. That was the extent of their ability to explain Gratitude. Others gave me their gratitude list of specific events or people, but still couldn’t explain the passion. And other people gave me platitudes. Platitude (noun) a flat, dull, or trite remark, esp. one uttered as if it were fresh or profound. I was amazed at all sides of the equation.

And in contrast, I received a few powerful and inspirational explanations from people that moved me emotionally – I could feel their passion. Some also shared the tools they use to remind themselves how to live their words of gratitude.

I observed people who spoke of genuine gratitude to see how they lived their words. When I looked at the difference in the answers and information I received, I could actually see the difference in these peoples’ lives as well. In some it appeared they were living a harmonious life and others appeared to be in disharmony with things around them. One person sent me a platitude that “all is good and just stop and feel grateful”, and yet during our last lunch together, her behavior was in contrast to that statement. Another person with expressed deep convictions of genuine gratitude appeared to find something thankful everywhere she went.

My findings from several years of personal interviews and research, has been published into the book “The “G” Spot, the ecstasy of life through Gratitude. Included in the book are contributions from courageous people who were willing to share their intimate understanding of how genuine gratitude fits in their life.. Co-contributors: Whitney Allen, Monica Burnert, Catherine "CC" Collier, Veronica Davina, Michelle Granger, Lorraine Jackson, Ann Hill, Jacqueline Johns, Lou Paget, Kelly Phillips, Marcie Taylor, Dr. Bunny Vreeland, Glennie Wilburn.

The message in this book invites you on a self discovery journey sometimes through other perspectives and opinions. This blog invites you to connect with others, and share your comments about Gratitude.

"This is what learning is. You suddenly understand something you've understood all your life, but in a new way." ~ Doris Lessing ~

The "G" Spot, the ecstasy of life through Gratitude.

TESTIMONIAL: "Congruency of gratitude and actions - the section with 'Mom's' words was an eye opener." ~Janis Murphy, Lexington, MO ~

TESTIMONIAL: "What a wonderful intimate journey into my own understanding and knowingness." ~ Brenda Clark, Phoenix, AZ ~

TESTIMONIAL: "Colors have a deeper meaning for me now. What beautiful insight and inspiration" ~ Caroline Palmer, Vancouver, B.C., Canada ~

TESTIMONIAL: "One mother's experience was what I needed to read. It helped me with my own loss, and shined a light on how and where I could find the healing energy of genuine gratitude." ~ Tracy Purcel, NYC ~

This book was launched with the support of several partners who offer free Thank You bonus gifts with every purchase of the book. You can find out more information about these bonus gifts by following this link

Everything is a miracle

’There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
~ Albert Einstein ~

Living your life through Gratitude

"Living your life through Gratitude, is not one of comparing how you are better than someone else; or Gratitude only for what you own or obtain or achieve, Living your life through Gratitude, is seeing that the world would be missing something very valuable if you were not in it”~ Sumner Davenport ~

Gratitude for others

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. “ ~ Albert Schweitzer ~

"This quote is expecially meaningful to me. For the past five years on my birthday, January 15th, I hand-write a Thank You letter to my friends and family. In each personal letter I tell that person why I feel blessed to have them in my life. I tell them what I think is special about them, and include one memory that we share that touches my heart. This year I got back letters from some of these same friends telling me what I meant to them. One letter in particular told me that my letter arrived on when she was having a bad day. After reading my letter it made her day seem brighter. This is one Thank You habit I will continue." ~ contributed by JoAnne Mechel, Tempe, AZ ~

What person in your life are you most grateful for?
When is the last time you told them?
For your eyes only, write in detail in your journal why you are grateful for this person, and how is your life enriched because of them.
Before the day is over, share your gratitude, by sending them a heartfelt note.