Gratitude for Mother, even when...

Today Mother’s Day is celebrated in many parts of the world. For many this is a day of family, joy, togetherness and memories of Mothers who have passed.

For many, however, in the public focus on love and celebration, it is a day of pain, sadness and reminders of their experiences with their Mother. For some it was a Mother who “wasn’t what I wanted her to be”. Other Mothers were unquestionably abusive; and some did abandon their children and deprive them of nurturing and love.

Unfortunately, Mothers get a bad rap in therapy and they are blamed for too many things. Some may deserve the anger because of their chosen behaviors towards their children. Most Mothers, however, like everyone else, have done the best they could do, at the time, with what they knew, and what they had to work with. This doesn’t condone the abusive or other intentional hurtful behaviors. Simply an opportunity to consider a different perspective. A perspective not for your Mother, but for yourself.

For those that didn’t have the loving and supportive Mother we all deserve by right of birth (see my post on worthiness), you found ways to fill that void and be “mothered”; either by finding other mother figures, such as teachers, ministers and friends; and by mothering and loving yourself. Sadly, it’s the painful and disappointing memories that are harbored and given fuel with anger and hatred - over and again; and any goodness or light is lost in the darkness.

For those who find it difficult today to celebrate their Mother today, I would like to make a suggestion.This is not about forgiveness. This is finding your strength, and your lovingness, in Gratitude. Usually, even with the most hateful and unloving person, we can find one thing (sometimes minuscule) about them that we like. For one person it was her Mother’s reaction to certain Holidays. She always decorated the house. For another person it was the memory of her Mother being nice to her when she was ill. Another person shared a memory of when her mother taught her to sew, which assists her in her business today. You only need one good memory or thought to give yourself a good day.

We are so conditioned by society that we must have more; that more is better. We get caught up in the need to write lists of good things in order to be grateful. Today I suggest you need only ONE. Find one personality characteristic, one event, or one memory that makes you feel good. Forget the dark and bad stuff for today. This is about what one feeling can do for you. It has nothing to do with what has happened in the past or will or won’t happen in the future. Choose one – and really take all the time to feel all of the joy and passion that is connected to and within it. Stay with that one gratitude item all day. Think about it, feel it, understand your reasons for being grateful for it.

Just like a good vitamin - one gratitude a day - can make the difference - for you to celebrate any day.

Living your life through Gratitude

In many parts of the world, they believe that the streets of the United States are lined with gold.

While that is only a perception, it is true that a person here can become just about anything that that they can dream of.

However, no matter where you live, if you are reading these words, you have a lot you can achieve in life, and much that you could be grateful for than you may initially think.

It's not about comparing what you have that is better than someone else; or being grateful that you aren't in a situation, or have a problem that someone appears to have. A study conducted at UC Davis concluded that those who expressed gratitude without comparing themselves as "better than", were significantly happier than those making comparisons between themselves and others.

"Living your life through Gratitude, is not one of comparing how you are better than someone else; or Gratitude only for what you own or obtain or achieve. Living your life through Gratitude, is standing still in the moment and seeing that the world would be missing something very valuable if you were not in it."
~ Original quote, from book: the "G" Spot, The ecstasy of life through Gratitude, by Sumner M. Davenport, plus co-contributors ~

Recently, I was having a conversation about being grateful; and in the conversation the topic of problems came up...

Abuse, poverty, extreme weather, earthquakes, tsunamis, unemployment, racism, discrimination, hatred, addictions, jealousy and more. All these problems, both inside and outside of us blind us to the things that are good in our lives.

The terms "good," "great," "fun," "exciting" are all subjective, meaning that the things that give me the most pleasure and enjoyment may bore you to tears.

Fishing may be great fun for one person - take it away from him and he could be very sad, even depressed. Another person may see fishing as worse than torture - just sitting there for hours with literally nothing to do. The fishing itself could be depressing.

Everyone experiences difficulties, challenges and loss in their life. Many people use them as excuses for failure and giving up on their dreams and for stopping dreaming at all.

Regardless of what you might have "going against you", if you look, you will find that you have a lot you can be thankful for.

"Two men look out from the same prison window;
one sees the bars, and the other sees the stars."
~ Frederick Langbridge

It's important that you uncover the blessings in your life and revisit, emotionally, everything that is good in your life on a daily basis. If you don't, you will take it for granted. You won't appreciate it. The things we don't appreciate in our lives, we don't take care of.

"You can tell a person, not by what they say they are grateful for,
but how they respect what they claim to be grateful for."

~ Donna Priscott

What we don't appreciate - deprecates.

If you don't care care of your home, soon it's value will depreciate. If you fail to service your car, it's ability to take you places will depreciate. If you ignore your health, soon you will be fighting for your life.

“The enlightened give thanks for what most people take for granted. As you begin to be grateful for what most people take for granted, that vibration of gratitude makes you more receptive to good in your life.”
~ Rev. Michael Beckwith

Think about all the things, big and little, that would be missed if they weren't in your life...People, things, events, experiences, feelings, abilities.....

"Of the blessings you discover in your life, none are any greater than the other.
Each has equal value in and of itself to be appreciated for what it is.”
~ Sumner M. Davenport

1. Write them down.

2. Add to this list every time you think of something new.

3. Look at this list often.

So today, before you jump into your car and cuss at traffic... read your list.

Do this every day and you will see the things you appreciate, will appreciate (increase) in your life.

"Your life is a occasion - rise to it"

Mr. Edward Magorium, Avid Shoe-Wearer (Dustin Hoffman)
Movie: Mr. Magorium Magic Emporium

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The "G" Spot, the ecstasy of life through Gratitude.
Not your typical book about gratitude.
This book is for the cynic, the hopeless, the happy and the already grateful

The message in this book invites you on a self discovery journey sometimes through other perspectives and opinions. It some areas it pushes the envelope. Isn't that how we learn? When we venture outside our comfort zone we learn the most about ourselves and our lives.

Book Information.

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Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift.

Written by an 83-year-old woman to her friend:

I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden.

I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time working. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.

I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom. I wear my good blazer to the market.

My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank.

"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now.

I'm not sure what others would've done had they known that they wouldn't be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think they would have called family members and a few close friends. They might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think they would have gone out for a Chinese dinner, or for whatever their favorite food was. I'm guessing; I'll never know.

It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and parents often enough how much I truly love them. I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives.

And every morning when I open my eyes, tell myself that it is special.

Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift.

Appreciation

 

 

 

   

Gratitude because.....

“We count our miseries carefully,
and accept our blessings without much thought."
~ Chinese Proverb

I have met countless people who can describe in detail why something is unpleasant for them, why something isn’t working or what is going wrong in their life, and yet their gratitude is only a single word or short phrase. Does being able to explain in detail the reason why you have gratitude for something make a difference in the energy behind it? I went on a quest for answers.

Some people I talked with had long laundry lists of gratitude,but they seemed to talk more about their problems and complaints. Others had shorter lists, and shared beautiful stories with me about each items on their list.

I met people who had similar items on their gratitude list and different responses to my question: “you are grateful for this because…..?”

One woman I met with had written “I am thankful for my health” on her gratitude list. When I asked her “You are grateful for your health because…..”, her answer was a sharp: “Well! Because I just am, and I am insulted to be asked why!.” It reminded me of when my parents would tell me do to something and when I asked why I heard: ” because I said so”. This answer didn’t help me to understand.

In contrast, I met with Nancy who also had written on her list “I am thankful for my health”. When I asked “she was grateful because….” what she told me was: “I am thankful I have my health, because that means I can take care of my kids. I brought these beautiful children in the world and they depend on me. When I have my health I can enjoy them and take care of them. And that make me feel such a deep feeling for love and life, that I call that a grateful feeling.” In order to feel the depth of her gratitude Nancy believes that she must be willing to know why she feels gratitude. Anything less, to her, is simply lip service.

I find that every time I do this exercise I find new feelings around each incident I list in Gratitude. Several other people shared with me how doing this exercise made a difference in their depth of understanding and increased their feelings of gratitude.

“He who knows others is learned;
He who knows himself is wise.”
~ Lao-tzu, Tao te Ching

For this Thanksgiving season, do this for yourself and see if there is any difference in the depth of your feelings of Gratitude.

Write down a few things on that you are Grateful for.
And then continue the sentence with: because…..|
See what you can discover with your because.

"The important thing is not to stop questioning our reasons
Never lose a holy curiosity.”
~ Albert Einstein

(c) 2009 excerpt from book: Stress Out, show stress who's the boss

Focus on the reasons to complain = stress

Focus on the reasons for gratitude = happy

More happy = less stress

www.StressOut-book.com

Stress is a constant in our lives - such a constant that we actually don’t realize we are under stress, we think it’s “just part of life.” Health surveys report that over 70% of people feel stress everyday. Some stress is helpful, but most stress is destructive; it can age you and it can kill you. In this special book Sumner M. Davenport brings together advice from experts in their fields; plus stories and testimonials from individuals interviewed during her extensive search for easy solutions that help to show stress who’s the boss.

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Congruence and Gratitude

“You can tell a person,
not by what they say they are gratitude for,
but how they respect
what they claim to be grateful for.”
~ Mrs. Donna Priscott~

My mother was of my greatest examples on how to live life with honesty and integrity. This quote was one of her favorite sayings. Long after her passing, I remember every time she said it to me. She wanted me to learn that people don’t just see what I say, they learn who I am by how my actions match my words.

If I expressed gratitude for something then I needed to show respect for it and protect it just as I would anything else that was important to me.

My parents were married for over 50 years. My Mom said a gratitude prayer every day for her marriage and relationship with my Dad. Every day she worked to make sure he knew how much she meant that. She never looked at another man and she always made sure our home was a happy place for Dad to come home to after a long day at work. She was grateful for her two kids, and she spent time teaching us how to be our best, learn our best and present our best.

When I gained over 60 pounds excess weight in college, and the doctors prescribed medicine for high blood pressure, she didn’t ask me why. She asked me if I was grateful for my healthy body and if I was then why was I carrying the extra weight that was having a negative effect on my health?
When my bother experimented with drugs in High School she asked him the same question.

She simply told us to make a choice and live by our words. My choice was to ether give up saying gratitude for a healthy body or give up the unnecessary weight. Her message was empowering and not judgmental, even though I knew she didn’t approve our behaviors. Mom taught me best by her example. I hope I can be as good a Mom as she was to me.

Are you congruent with your gratitude?

Are you showing respect to your gratitude by your actions?

If yes, what are you doing?

If no, what can you change?


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Contributed by Veronica Davina, for inclusion in the book: The “G” Spot, the ecstasy of life through Gratitude, Author Sumner M. Davenport, Self Investment Publishing, #ISBN 9780981523859

National Friendship Day

Human beings are social creatures who respond to the love and affection of others. Genuine friendship has been valued as one of the most important things in life. To celebrate friendship and the blessings it brings us, it was deemed fit to have a day dedicated to friends and friendship and the first Sunday of August was declared as a holiday in US in honor of friends by a Proclamation made by US Congress in 1935.

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy;
they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."
~ Marcel Proust ~

I offer you this gentle reminder of friendship. Part of this has circulated the internet for years. Many of the quotes you may have already seen or heard. When I found it in my files this morning, it was the timely reminder on a perfect day.

"I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving
for my friends, the old and the new."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.

In 1st grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and who held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.

In 2nd grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.

In 3rd grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours.

In 4th grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in the gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck "do-si-do-ing " with Nasty Nick or Smelly Susan.

In 5th grade your idea of a good friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.

In 6th grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan (your new crush) and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn't be embarrassed.

In 7th grade your idea of a good friend was the person who let you copy the Social Studies homework from the night before that you did.

In 8th grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball but didn't laugh at you when you broke out into tears.

In 9th grade your idea of a good friend was the person who would go to a party thrown by a senior so you wouldn't wind up being the only freshman there.

In 10th grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with during lunch.

In 11th grade your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded and helped you find a date to the prom.

In 12th grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pick out a college or university and assured you that you would get into that college or university, or helped you deal with it when you didn't make it.

At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside but managed a big smile on the outside as they congratulated you.

The summer after graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you clean up the bottles from that party, helped you sneak out of the house when you couldn't deal with your parents, assured you that now that you and Nick (or you and Susan) were back together, you could make it through anything, helped you pack up for university and silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were leaving behind. And most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved.

"In prosperity, our friends know us;
in adversity, we know our friends"
~ John Churton Collins ~

Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, holds your hand when you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, makes time for you, overlooks your mistakes, helps you to deal with pressure from others, smiles for you even when they are sad, helps you understand how priceless you are, and most importantly loves you.

I am deeply grateful, today and everyday, for my genuine friends. With them I have discovered and enjoyed many of lifes blessings.

"A real friend is one who walks in
when the rest of the world walks out."
~Walter Winchell ~

No matter where we go or how our lives change, we never forget those who walked with us and supported us in getting there.

"Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me; I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend."
~ Albert Camus ~

There's never a wrong time to pick up a phone or send a message to show your friends you miss them or care about them.

"The most beautiful discovery true friends make
is that they can grow separately
without growing apart."
~ Elisabeth Foley~