Gratitude for Mother, even when...

Today Mother’s Day is celebrated in many parts of the world. For many this is a day of family, joy, togetherness and memories of Mothers who have passed.

For many, however, in the public focus on love and celebration, it is a day of pain, sadness and reminders of their experiences with their Mother. For some it was a Mother who “wasn’t what I wanted her to be”. Other Mothers were unquestionably abusive; and some did abandon their children and deprive them of nurturing and love.

Unfortunately, Mothers get a bad rap in therapy and they are blamed for too many things. Some may deserve the anger because of their chosen behaviors towards their children. Most Mothers, however, like everyone else, have done the best they could do, at the time, with what they knew, and what they had to work with. This doesn’t condone the abusive or other intentional hurtful behaviors. Simply an opportunity to consider a different perspective. A perspective not for your Mother, but for yourself.

For those that didn’t have the loving and supportive Mother we all deserve by right of birth (see my post on worthiness), you found ways to fill that void and be “mothered”; either by finding other mother figures, such as teachers, ministers and friends; and by mothering and loving yourself. Sadly, it’s the painful and disappointing memories that are harbored and given fuel with anger and hatred - over and again; and any goodness or light is lost in the darkness.

For those who find it difficult today to celebrate their Mother today, I would like to make a suggestion.This is not about forgiveness. This is finding your strength, and your lovingness, in Gratitude. Usually, even with the most hateful and unloving person, we can find one thing (sometimes minuscule) about them that we like. For one person it was her Mother’s reaction to certain Holidays. She always decorated the house. For another person it was the memory of her Mother being nice to her when she was ill. Another person shared a memory of when her mother taught her to sew, which assists her in her business today. You only need one good memory or thought to give yourself a good day.

We are so conditioned by society that we must have more; that more is better. We get caught up in the need to write lists of good things in order to be grateful. Today I suggest you need only ONE. Find one personality characteristic, one event, or one memory that makes you feel good. Forget the dark and bad stuff for today. This is about what one feeling can do for you. It has nothing to do with what has happened in the past or will or won’t happen in the future. Choose one – and really take all the time to feel all of the joy and passion that is connected to and within it. Stay with that one gratitude item all day. Think about it, feel it, understand your reasons for being grateful for it.

Just like a good vitamin - one gratitude a day - can make the difference - for you to celebrate any day.